Leap of Faith
by Wickedgal08
Summary: Earlyish Dharma fic. Sawyer and Juliet cross the boundaries of friendship and admit their love for each other. Lots of fluff and humour :


**Leap of Faith**

**Summary: How did Juliet and Sawyer make that leap of faith between staying friends and falling in love? Dharma fic full of Suliet love :)**

He sat in the chair, the edge of his glasses poised between his teeth as he pondered one of his own personal mysteries – Juliet. In just two days, it would've been their second year on the island as part of the Dharma Initiative. By now, they'd gained enough trust, enough faith from the other _real_ members to be able to settle into their new life but that could all change at any minute. Their relationship was a strange one because some days they were perfectly content to sit in utter silence, absorbing the strange pattern they'd quickly become accustomed to and other days they argued and bickered like there was no tomorrow. They clashed like chalk and cheese, yet they seemed to like the same things, the same movies that had yet to be made and the same books.

Sawyer didn't really understand why he had to share a house with one of the most annoying people he'd ever come across but, then again, Miles hadn't really been all that bad company. He did release a snide comment or two, occasionally hinting that Sawyer and Juliet should cut the crap and actually become a _couple_ couple, as opposed to just going on the occasional date. Usually when that happened Sawyer chucked whatever book he was reading at that time at him and it usually shut him up.

"This is ridiculous," he muttered to himself as he closed his book and leaned against the chair. "Why am I letting the limey runt get to me?"

"Because you know I'm right," Miles chipped in from the kitchen. Sawyer blinked rapidly, startled out of his thoughts because he'd forgotten to account for the fact that Miles was here.

"Right about what?" he growled.

"You like Juliet," Miles said simply. "Face it, man– you're head over heels for her."

"I am not _head over heels_ for her," he snapped. "Where are you getting this rubbish from?"

Miles sighed and then meandered his way to the living room to sit opposite his southern friend.

"It's kind of obvious," he pointed out. "You go on dates and stuff but you two never talk about how you really feel. Everybody knows that you love her. It's just a matter of time before you realise it yourself. "

"No offence, Chow Mein, but it has _nothing_ to do with you." Sawyer turned away.

"A-ha!" Miles crowed triumphantly. "You didn't deny it. You _love_ her!"

Sawyer whipped around so fast that his glasses flew off his face and skidded along the floor. He swore under his breath and picked them up, examining them once before glaring at his Chinese companion.

"I do not _love_ her," he growled. "Besides, let's say that I did – which I don't – what does it matter? I'm single, she's single and it's a free island."

"You're missing the point," Miles replied, rolling his eyes. "You've been dating, everyone knows that. Even that slow guy who works down in the kitchens has cottoned on about that. But you _love_ her. You can't stop thinking about her and I'll bet everything I own that she loves you too."

"Time to go," Sawyer interrupted, pulling Miles off the seat quite violently. "I'm sure you've got lots of other people's social lives to interfere in."

"I _live_ here! You can't chuck me out," Miles protested. "But I'll guess I'll go visit Jin or something seeing how you're on your man period. Before I go though, consider _this_– I overheard Juliet and Amy talking the other day and she said that she's never felt like this about any other guy ever. Unless she's secretly dating someone else, she's talking about you." He stared at Sawyer pointedly as if to say _well, aren't you going to go __**see**__ her for God's sake? _

With a final growl, Sawyer shoved him out the door and locked it, so that he now had lots of time to rant and moan to himself about how everyone seemed to assume that he and Juliet were going to become serious. The woman drove him crazy at times and she had this really annoying habit of tilting her head to one side as though trying to figure you out. She also _had_ to be right all the time and their clas

To counter balance his internal argument, he thought about all the positive things about her. She had this really beautiful smile and when she laughed – I mean really _laughed_ like she hadn't a care in the world – it was infectious. Her beauty was apparent and she was the kind of woman who, when she walked by, you just had to stop and stare at. She was kind, sincere, beautiful and one of the funniest women he'd ever come across. Holy crap, what if Miles was right? What if he _did_ love her? He never thought there'd be another Kate but, and this was the thing about Juliet, she was _nothing_ like Kate - and that's what he loved about her. He began to inwardly panic, feeling as though every organ inside his body was shutting down piece by piece. To calm himself down, he went to the fridge and pulled out a can of Dharma beer.

Sawyer collapsed into his seat and gulped the frothy liquid down noisily. Every sound, including the beating of his heart, was magnified against the silence and he realised that he had fallen for her. Between his standard heartbeats, a new sound joined the cacophony of already existing beats and pulses – it was the sound of her voice, her laughter, her _name_. Where Kate's name had been scratched across the surface of his heart, Juliet's took over and penetrated his heart's flesh with a much deeper mark.

What was he going to do? If he acted on this feeling, this _desire,_ he'd be finally sweeping the pieces his broken relationship with Kate under the carpet once and for all – figuratively speaking of course. If he didn't, it proved that he truly was a cowardly, mean spirited felon who should go live under someone's stairs as opposed to breathing the same, vibrant air that _she_ breathed. How did he know for sure she reciprocated his emotions? He didn't think he could face another rejection from another beautiful woman.

Sawyer threw this question into air, as if expecting to receive an answer but all he got back was silence. He tried to think like Locke or Jack but the answers he imagined they'd give weren't helpful either.

_Think of it as a leap of faith, _he imagined Locke saying. _You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Have faith, James and it'll pay off. _

Jack's advice would've been a little more practical, he imagined. _Just go for it, Sawyer, _he imagined the doctor saying, _if you get nervous, try my method. Count to five, let the fear take over, let it do its thing and then relax. What have you got to lose? The worst she can do is say she doesn't love you back. Nothing life threatening will happen, the world will not end. Just…be yourself – but not too much. _

"That's not helpful," Sawyer scolded his imaginary Jack and Locke. He mulled over his situation and began to plan out what he would say. It was nearly six in the evening, which meant that Juliet would be just leaving Amy's house, hopefully in a good mood.

"Damn it," he muttered. This was ridiculous. What was he so afraid of? If she shot him down, at least he'd know. Then again if she didn't _love_ him, why on Earth did she string him along by agreeing to date him for so long?

Fed up of putting off the inevitable, Sawyer unlocked the door and stormed out of the house. He wondered if he should bring her a flower or something – then he remembered that if they ended up scrapping, whatever was in his hands at the time usually ended up being thrown at him. It was better if he went empty handed.

As he walked towards her house, he was aware that Miles and Jin were staring at him but he didn't dignify them with so much as a glare because they could well turn out to be right. He inhaled deeply and then knocked twice on her door. He tried to even out the time between each knock, so it didn't appear as though he had earth shattering news to tell her.

When Juliet opened the door, he couldn't help but smile. She was wearing oven mitts and her sleeves seemed to be singed. He could smell burnt muffins in the background and her expression was similar to the expression of a sulky child.

"Is this not a good time?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"No," she sighed looking frustrated. "But you can be my hero and help me clean up if you want." He mock bowed and entered her house. He helped her tidy up the house for a while, noticing how she looked like she was struggling with something. Once they were done, they stared at each other and simultaneously smiled.

"I have to tell you something," they said at the same time.

"You go first," she said hurriedly.

"No, ladies first," he smirked.

"James…"

He sighed. "Ok, please don't hate me," he replied solemnly. "I've been meaning to tell you something and it's taken me ages to work up the courage to say it."

Juliet raised her eyebrows, intrigued. "Since when have _you_ been afraid to tell _me_ something?"

"I dunno," he mumbled. "You're a frightening woman, you know."

She grinned, punching him playfully in the arm. "Am not," she retorted playfully.

"Don't interrupt," he teased. "I've got a whole speech prepared and it won't work if you keep interrupting." He inhaled deeply again. "We've been going out for a while now and lately, I dunno whether it's just me or not, I've felt like…I've been feeling as if…" he mentally slapped himself, trying to rouse himself into finding the right words.

"When a man says those words," Juliet intervened quietly, "he's either looking to break up with the girl or tell her that he loves her. Which is it, James?" She gazed at him with those beautiful eyes he knew and loved and he knew he could never break her heart, even if he wanted to.

"Juliet," he said in a hoarse voice. "I-I love you." There, he'd said it. "I don't know if you feel the same way but I understand if you don't. I just needed to say it…" great, he was babbling away like an idiot.

Juliet grinned at him in triumph. "My word, James," she said in a mock serious tone. "You're babbling away at a hundred miles per hour. I've never seen you so incoherent before." Her smile widened. "Do you really love me?"

Relieved that he was actually being taken seriously, he nodded. He snaked his arms around her and gazed into her eyes. This was not like the moment he'd told Kate he loved her and he was glad of it, for their exchange of words of love were fuelled by fear, anguish, anger. This was something he could treasure forever because no one could say it was too rash, too quick, too sudden, too unexpected to be accepted. He'd loved her in secret, behind closed doors and in the safety of his own mind. The question was – did she feel the same?

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, James," she replied seriously, her brow furrowed as she scrutinised his expression. "About you and me."

"Oh." What else could he say to that? She wasn't a cruel person but if she was going to break his heart, why on Earth would she have agreed to keep dating him? To keep up appearances? To find out if he still loved Kate? He'd swear the contrary with his hand over his heart if she ever questioned him because, truthfully, he had nothing to hide. Though he ached to see Kate again, it was more out of a desire to confirm that she was actually _real_ that he hadn't just imagined her out of loneliness.

"I don't know what I feel," she confessed, peeking at him behind a fan of ebony eyelashes. "When we say goodnight, I feel like a part of me is walking off with you and yet we argue _all the time_. You make me mad and happy in equal amounts and I just don't know if I could…"

She was cut off by a pair of lips pressing against her own in a way that she couldn't help but respond to. She'd never felt so comfortable in a pair of arms before, not with Goodwin (for there was always the risk of being caught) and certainly not with her ex-husband. These were the kind of arms she could melt in and yet trust that he wouldn't let her slip away.

"It's a leap of faith, Blondie," Sawyer whispered in her ear. "Are you honestly not even gonna _try_ for it? Come on," he tickled her side making her laugh breathlessly, "say it! Say it, say it, _say it_!"

"I love you," she suddenly cried, amidst the laughter. They both froze in their positions, slowly turning round slightly so that they were staring at each other. She was staggering from this realisation and he was staggering from the fact that she'd actually _admitted_ it. He had just thrown himself into the moment, expecting her to either to yell at him to stop being a jerk or to storm out the room.

"Do you really mean that?" he eventually asked, locking his arms around her waist and reeling her in so they were only inches apart.

"I don't…I just feel -," Juliet tried to explain, gesturing like a mad woman. "Yes," she admitted. "It's funny but it's driving me crazy. You're in my mind all the time, day and night, and I've been wondering for a while what it was my heart was trying to tell me. Now I know." Her bottom lip trembled and tears started to fill her eyes. "I_ can't_ feel like this," she burst out. "I _can't_ love you and yet I do."

"Why?" Sawyer asked gently, rubbing her shoulder soothingly.

"Because every man I've ever loved, or who's loved me, has ended up dead," she replied bitterly. "And it's always been my fault." She attempted to cover up her tears the way she always did by tossing her head by staring blankly ahead and focusing her gaze on an inanimate object for comfort.

"That ain't gonna happen with me, sweetheart," Sawyer reassured her, tucking his hand underneath her chin so that he could gently push her head up so that they were gazing at each other again. "I ain't going anywhere, I _promise_. I got you back, remember?"

She smiled shakily at him. "And I've got yours," she returned with a contented sigh. "I love you, James."

"Love you too," Sawyer replied with a grin. They leaned in for their next kiss which took them both by surprise. She snaked her arms around his neck and he snaked his around her slim waist. Their lips seemed to weld together like magic and Juliet's salty tears of joy trickled down both of their faces.

"I always meant to ask," he mused later, when they were both cuddled up on her couch. "Why'd you stay? I'm glad you did but why?"

She smiled softly at him, her whole face aglow with beauty and joy. "Because you were right," she replied sincerely. "There was nothing back there for me. I would've been a stranger there." She kissed him slowly and tenderly. "Besides," she added, "I would never have got to know you like I do now. I've seen this incredible human being who is loving and caring…"

"Ok," he interrupted, making a face. "Let's not get carried away here, Blondie. I may be different but not _that_ different." He chuckled at her pout. "I'm hungry – how about those muffins?"

"Oh _God_!" Juliet complained loudly, throwing a cushion at him. "Trust _you_ to ruin the moment!" She scowled playfully at him. "I chucked them out anyway."

"We'll make some more then," he decided. "Come on, Blondie. You mix and I'll bake, how about that?"

Juliet stared at him as if she wasn't sure whether or not to take him seriously. Something in his expression made her burst out laughing and then she reached out a hand so that he could take it.

"Alright," she agreed. "Let's go make muffins."

"I need to ask you something before we do this," Sawyer said slowly, taking both her hands in his and gazing at her seriously. "Your answer to this question depends on my health so don't break my heart on this, ok?"

"Sure," she replied, gazing at him with concern in her features. "What's up?"

"Can I lick the bowl?"

"_James!!!!" _


End file.
